Stop Running In Circles And Escape Frustration Trap Loop
What To Do When You Feel Like You Can Never Change
Someone asked, “I don’t feel like I can ever change myself. What should I do about it?”
Who does not want to change especially if it is for the better? I want it. You want it. We all want it. We all want to be better for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for the people around us. It’s the noble thing to do, right?
But somehow along the way, no matter how good our intention is, the way we want it doesn’t work.
You started to consume information. You’ve tried reading self-help books. Watched YouTube Videos. and even bought courses to motivate yourself and to know the steps you need to take.
You got inspired, pumped up, and excited to apply what you’ve learned. You say, “I can do it! Finally, I found my passion!” So you laid out the plans on how to achieve your goals.
The excitement started to wane down. You were still eager but not as much as when you started.
Things got harder and tougher. Everything started to change. What was fun and exciting in the beginning turns to misery and intoxicating tasks to do. You said, “I never thought it will be this hard. No one told me this will happen.”
You started to lose your motivation. Now, you felt worse than before you started.
You wanted to give up. Days had passed, you didn’t care anymore. But it didn’t stop here.
One day, while “mindlessly” scrolling down the Facebook posts, an Ad appeared. The video said, “This will help you achieve your goals. I know you have tried things but doesn’t work for you. I knew it because I’ve been there. That’s why I’ve created this program to help you. I’ll tell you this course is different from other courses you’ve had…”
Now, you got excited again! You said, “Maybe, this is the solution to my problems.” You bought another course or another book. Consumed it in one sitting. Played it multiple times because you may miss out on something important. And wrote notes on your dusty journal that you never opened for a long time.
And guess what happens next? You got it right!
Until you don’t do something to change your situation, you will keep running in circles — trapped in the frustration loop! The number of days varies but the emotional roller-coaster experience is still the same.
Here’s what you can do.
1) Stop the blame game.
The more you blame yourself, the more you bury yourself deeper in the ground. Blaming yourself won’t get you out of the pit. Blaming the gurus doesn’t help you either. Even if they promise you will get out of your current situation when you follow their advice. I know, you may feel betrayed. But it won’t help to overthink about it. You have to let it go. Release it.
2) Reduce information consumption.
You don’t need more information now. Derek Sivers says, “If more information was the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.” So stop consuming another load of information hoping it will solve your problem. You think it’s a lack of knowledge or skill, but it is not. When you have the tools that you need, then information is not the problem.
3) Start small.
Remember when I say that you have to stop blaming yourself? Because it has nothing to with your character. You don’t need more information because it has nothing to do with your capacity. You can learn anything you want.
What you need to do is to start small. Yes, it sounds boring and unsexy and contrary to Go-Big or Go-Home mentality. It relies on the principle that “All great things start small.” That’s right. Start small.
Why small?
When you analyze your situation, you will notice that there two repeating problems — failure to start and failure to be consistent. This can be solved by getting small.
Since it is small and easy to do, you don’t need to force yourself. You don’t have to rely on motivation or willpower.
Since it is small and easy to do, consistency is not hard to achieve.
4) Celebrate small wins.
The more simple, easy, and small the tasks you accomplished, the more you feel better. Jim Rohn called this “confidence booster.” It may be subtle but it’s powerful. A simple check in your to-do lists can help you build up your confidence.
5) Practice implementation intention.
It is a technique used to develop new habits. You state your intention to implement a behavior at a specific time and place in the future. This is preloading your actions and tying them in a particular behavior.
A good way to do this is by completing this sentence: After I [existing behavior]. I will [your desired action].
Example: After I sit down on my office chair, I will meditate for two minutes. With this, you are more likely to perform tasks than just saying “I will meditate for two minutes.”
One Final Piece of Advice
Following this advice will take time to develop results.
As you go along the way, a familiar feeling will say Hello. You will feel the urge to blame when things don’t go well. You will feel you need another mindless information consumption. Or overwhelmed yourself with tasks. I’m sure of that.
When that happens, let those thoughts and feelings passed like the water in the river. Tell yourself, “One step at a time. One Step at a time. One step at a time. All great things start from small.”
I hope this helps.
Rooting for your success,
Brian
P. S. If you find this article helpful, please let me know.
